Katja Vos

( don't ask her for the water cause she'll teach you to cry )

When you're hungry and pretty, the city ain't enough. You know she tells them boys you better get up, put up, or shut up

No. No.

Is this a joke? They cannot be serious with this stupid pageant. We are here to play Quidditch and last time I checked, that did not involve vying for the utterly meaningless title of Mr or Ms Hogwarts. Which I don't understand how we're eligible for since we don't even got to this school.

I refuse. Really, what are they going to do to us if we don't? They shouldn't be able to force us into doing something so completely ridiculous and pointless.

I do not like being harassed by people who will not take no for an answer. Especially on my birthday. It's flattering that teams are interested in me, but I am not joking when I say I am not interested. That is not an invitation to follow me and continue trying to convince me that I want to do something that I absolutely do not want.

Private to Durmstrang
Next week we should have a party to celebrate Vas and me turning 18.

And no, it does not have to be in our common room. I know how much you lot don't like people in our space.

Private to Vlad
Are we going to ever speak again?

Private to Riley
Do you still not want to speak with me? What the fuck was that even? I still have no idea what happened, and why you took your anger out on me

Christ, I don't know why girls do it. Spending hours on makeup and hair and the right outfit is a massive waste of time and effort. I am tired of it, and it's only been three days. I have to get up earlier and groggily attempt to apply makeup and pray to whatever deity I think of first that I don't accidentally stab myself in the eye. And then you have to do your hair and find the right clothes and accessories. And I haven't even mentioned heels, which were clearly invented by men as another way to oppress women. They are also clearly some sort of torture device. And we do all of this for what? So some bloke can try to look down you shirt when you're tying to explain something to him because you're wearing a push up bra? (He learned to look into my perfectly mascara-ed eyes after I yelled at him and informed him that if he looked down my top again, I would tear off his balls) To impress some boy who only sees you for your tits, arse, and face, and to do so, you encourage him to objectify you by drawing attention to your appearance? It's ridiculous and, frankly, embarrassing. What's the point in living some elaborate lie by pretending that your eyelashes always look that long or that your skin is really that flawless or that your chest is actually that size? No, "to impress men" is not a suitable answer especially when half the time, I'm sure they don't even notice what color eyeshadow you have on or if your bracelet complements your heels. Though to be fair, most of the blame for all of this rests with men for creating the belief that a woman's beauty is her most important trait.

Fuck. I'll be thankful when this week of dressing like a girl is over and I can go back to not giving a damn about how I look.

The moral of this story is that you shouldn't play Texas Hold Em with a Texan.

I think I am still getting the mud out of my hair. That weather was miserable yesterday. Still, that was a good game, Salem, and Brooke, you hit hard. I'm impressed.

Private to Durmstrang, Ruby, Dani, Aidan, Eddie, Maddie, Constance, and other friends I have forgotten
Between that disgusting article and Riley's childish, enraging outburst, it's hard to enjoy our hard earned win. No doubt someone else will come and suggest that we don't deserve it. Maybe in the next issue they'll write some bullshit about how half of us are ineligible to play because of low grades or some other bullshit or maybe it will even be another tournament participant suggesting we're cheating somehow. I'm sick of this. We're here to play and to experience a new culture and meet new people. We're not here to have our personal lives dissected by awful journalism or be shouted at because we dared to win a game, not to mention all of the experiments and potions and whatever the fuck else has happened to us while we're here. I don't care if some horrible writer writes about me sleeping around, but don't say that my teammates are gold diggers or receiving unfair advantages and do not very publicly out my friends. And do not decide that the best approach to deal with your own poor playing is badmouthing myself and my team.

I can't decide whether I want to drink or hit things.

Private to Durmstrang only
But I'm proud of you all. Everyone was fantastic, and we won because we work hard. I just resent when people try to force us to feel guilty for being a strong team or when they try to discredit us by painting us as awful people. Though I am at least grateful that we don't have someone like Riley on our team. I am glad we don't know what it's like to lose most of our games, but that is still no excuse for his behavior, and I am quite thankful that our team knows better than to pull something like that. He is- or was- my friend, but I can't imagine what his team must be going through if their seeker is giving up again. For their sake, I hope Ruby is ready because their coach would be stupid to continue to let him start.

Private to Vlad (Russian)
I'm sorry. I never thought this would happen. We shouldn't have let it get this far. That was a mistake, I suppose, but I don't really regret any of it. Except for how things ended, I guess. I shouldn't have led you on like that though. In my defense, I thought you liked Alice and I thought it was clear that I'm not the kind of girl that you date and okay that is a shit apology, but I do see how, in hindsight, you could have assumed that I was asking for more than I was. But you shouldn't have gone and expected something more from me in the first place, and even if, yes, okay, whatever I'm feeling, feel for you, isn't so simple and easy, and I can't really say that I want nothing from you, not any more. I don't know how it got this complicated, and why we were both stupid enough to get more involved than we should be. It was easier when we hated each other, and I'd say that I'd wish we hadn't moved past that but that'd would be a lie and I never could lie. I am sorry though that you got hurt. I can't say that I wish I could change for you because I don't and I know that dating would be a mistake, but I never wanted to hurt you.

Fuck, I am shit at this

Private to Alice
I guess he's yours. He can be an idiot and a bastard and more infuriating than just about anyone else I know, but he's not all bad. And while I'd never say this to his face, he deserves to be happy. So just. Don't break his heart.

Private to Durmstrang Roald Cel and Vas Vas (Russian)
I thought you should know that Vlad and I are over.

Private to Dani (Dutch)
Why do boys always make things so complicated.

/Private
I am not sure if I am pleased that the Russian tabloids don't know my name since I have no interest in being gossip or annoyed that despite being one of the top beaters for Durmstrang, I'm forgettable.

I'm back to Rotterdam for the rest of our holiday though. It seems like it only just started break and already we're preparing to go back to school. It seems like time has generally passed quickly this year. Soon we'll all be going back to our home countries or preparing for life after school. I'm ready to be done with all of it though, I think.

After all of the ridiculousness that has happened this semester, I am not entirely sure what to do with myself away from school. I am obviously glad that no one is randomly declaring their love anymore and that we don't have dolls to take care of, but all of this quiet is almost unsettling. We do have job applications to distract us, I suppose. There are some deadlines coming up, and this is a good time to meet with companies. It's exciting, really, even it's a little strange to realize that we're going to be in the real world soon.

Private to Durmstrang
Let's do something other than train over break as well, yeah? It feels like we haven't done anything as a team in ages. Training and running do not count. We can do all of that too, of course, but I am sorry to say, that doesn't always count as something fun. I was certainly not made to be a runner. We should do something crazy though. Like sky diving.

Also are we celebrating Caer and Vlad's birthdays?

I'm fairly certain Zest expected me to be upset when she basically said that I am an incompetent mother. I am not entirely sure why she thinks I care about this project, and I have no interest in properly taking care of a doll, nor do I want a child. Though I wonder if they would have taken the dolls away if we had been truly horrific parents. I would happily fail and have Zest think I am some kind of awful human being if it meant getting rid of it sooner. Though I suppose failing anything, even a ridiculous project like this, would put my team at jeopardy.

At least we only have one week left.

Private to Jana and Vasili (warded separately)
So how did the date go?

Private to Vlad
So did the mother of your child find out about you slipping some alcohol into the doll's milk? That was a useful trick, by the way.

Private to Durmstrang
Well. I never expected to that any of the teams would lose a player. Any idea which Hogwarts player left (or was kicked off?) the team? I only wish this had happened before we played them.

Really. This is really happening. We need to take care of a doll. What the fuck.

Okay, let's talk. In the real world, you don't have to have kids. Some of us, like myself, have absolutely no intention of becoming parents ever. Many of us are currently actively trying to prevent that from happening. But if you get pregnant? In many (but obviously not all) places, you have options. It is ridiculous to pretend otherwise. It was shocking, really, that while birth control was discussed in depth, abortion didn't come up. I am truly thrilled that they didn't go the abstinence only route, but sometimes birth control fails and we should know what we can do if it does. And if I got pregnant? I'd get an abortion. Others may put their child up for adoption. The point is, no one should be forced to become a parent. Yes, these are not real children but by failing to address what our options are if we do get pregnant and then saddling us with these dolls, they are implying that becoming parents is our only choice.

They're trying to scare us from having sex. They think that if they show us how hard babies can be, we'll go the abstinence route to avoid it at all costs. I get that, even though I am incredibly insulted that they think that's something we need to be told. But they're also pretending that if you consent to sex, you consent to having children. Yes, getting pregnant is a potential consequence of sex, but getting pregnant and having children/becoming a parent are not the same thing. When I have sex, I am not saying I want to become a mother. I am not saying that I will allow a fetus to grow and reside in my body. That's not something I should have to say.

I understand that this isn't real. These are not real babies and obviously they were not created through sex, pregnancy, and childbirth. But the message the school is sending is is real and it is not okay.

Affected by the love potion, playing poorly in our game, a night in the hospital wing, and detention to look forward to next week. Lovely. Fantastic week, really.

At least Roald managed to hurt Flint and I am now certain that I'm not in love. Small pleasures.

I suppose I should at least pretend to be a good sport You played well though, Hogwarts. It was a good game, from what I saw of it.

Private to Durmstrang (Ukrainian)
I'm sorry I played so poorly. And this game of all games I don't really have an explanation. You all played really well though.

And I suppose I should tell you that Zest is worried about my shoulder healing properly.

Private to friends
And I thought this week couldn't get any weirder. I accidentally went out on a date with a Hufflepuff girl.

Better her than Flint though, I guess. Though I still can't stop thinking about Gar

Private to Vlad
Was Alice the girl you were maybe interested in?

Private to Jana
Everything okay with you?

Private to Garrett
I think we need to talk.

Private to friends
Ugh. I caught feelings again. And for fucking Flint. I don't know what happened. Yesterday I wanted to punch him in his stupid face and today, suddenly, I am not repulsed by him, and I even find his trollishness attractive. And the worst part is that I think I want to kiss him and go out with him and be with him. But it's fucking Flint and I also want to vomit.

I did not realize love was this complicated.

I did not realize I would fall in love with Garrett fucking Flint.

The world is a cruel place.

Private to Vasili
If you laugh at me or tell me you told me so, I will punch you. Okay? Okay.

I think I caught feelings.

Private to Dani
How goes things with Max? Are you still refusing to tell him you are attracted to him?

I'm beginning to think you have the right idea though.

Private to Riley
I need a distraction. Do something with me?

Private to Durmstrang (Ukrainian)
Yes, Vlad and I are sleeping together. No, you don't have to burn anything or worry about seeing things you shouldn't. No, it will not interfere with the team or my playing. Any questions.

Private to Vlad (Russian)
So. Should we talk?

Private to Cody
Thank you for distracting me the other day. I had fun.

Private to Dani (Dutch)
Thank god wards are working again. These past two days have been fairly miserable. How are you holding up?

Warded to people she likes. Durmstrang, Dani, Aidan, Riley, Cody, Ruby, Eddie, Elva, Maddie, Constance, Nina, etc. Include yourself if you want~
Jesus Christ I am hungover. I can't remember the last time I drank that much. Admittedly, it was deserved after our game, but in hindsight, it may have been a poor decision since I think Jana and I thoroughly embarrassed ourselves. I did not even realize those pictures existed.

But it was fun while it lasted, I suppose. And if anyone gives me trouble, I can remind them that I got all three Salem chasers out of the game. And about punching Garrett. So maybe they will be appropriately intimidated again. But right now I am going to stay here in bed until my head stops trying to explode.

Private to Durmstrang
I'm still really proud of us though, even though some people felt like we shouldn't be allowed to celebrate. Everyone was so amazing yesterday.

Private to Maddie
So that conversation last night? Let's keep that between us, shall we?

Except for the part about not blindly idolizing Vlad. That was good life advice.

Why is there a pinata in our common room? Did someone bring it? I don't think it's anyone's birthday though.

Can I break it?

[added after they open it]
There is alcohol inside. With a bug in it. Why are there insects in alcohol?

Private to Durmstrang
We should do something for New Year's.

Private to Vlad
So. I have a confession.

/Private

It is wonderful to be back in my own country again. I have nothing against Scotland, but there are always things you miss about your home country when you are away. And it is a relief not to have to speak English all the time. And it is also wonderful to be away from a boarding school. I have been doing my best to stay out of my house to take advantage of the things that I can now do. There are museums and concerts to go, films to see, restaurants to try, and it is fantastic. Don't worry, Vasili, for I have still found some time to train. But probably not as much as you would like. Tomorrow is my last day in Rotterdam though; we leave for Moscow after that to visit my mother's family. While adjusting to Russian winters is tricky, I'm glad that I can see Moscow too. I have missed it.

Private to Vasili (Russian)
What couldn't you say to me in Riley's journal? I don't like not being told things

Private to Eirik (Ukrainian)
So how are things going with your lady friend (and your presumably ex-friend?) Are you really not doing things with us before the Gala? While Aggie is quite different than what we're used to, I think it would be a nice way for us to get to know her. It's better than shopping with her, at least. But if she means something to you, I want to get to know her better.

But maybe it will be best if it's not one on one. Because we may kill each other.

Private to Dani (Dutch)
How have you been holding up?